


I could write a book about you

by icouldwriteaboutsherlock



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms, johnlock - Fandom
Genre: 1950-, AU, BBC Sherlock - Freeform, Blow Jobs, F/M, Flashbacks, Fluff, Hand Jobs, Johnlock - Freeform, M/M, Mental Institutions, Minor Character Death, Other, Sherlock - Freeform, Torture, War, mau mau uprising, there might be smut not sure yet
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-20
Updated: 2014-06-01
Packaged: 2018-01-25 22:08:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 16,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1664210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icouldwriteaboutsherlock/pseuds/icouldwriteaboutsherlock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"And the simple secret of the plot<br/>Is just to tell them that I love you a lot "</p><p>"i love you too"Sherlock heard Johns voice say "i love you too"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First

**Author's Note:**

> its very au, taking place from the 1950 to forward.I wrote this cause i wanted to read something like it but no one had made it yet. no one have died.Yet  
> /im still updating and currently working on next chapter so this is not so long yet

"John Watson,theres a new patient coming in today.Hes here in 15mins.The brother says that   
its quite acute "Lestrade said.Lestrdae worked as a quard of the hospital.He rubbed his grayish hair and continued   
"You should probably go to the gates already,the patient is quite upset."  
John stood up from his chair and grabbed his jacket.Quick look outside was enough to tell him that it was raining.What a surprise.John rolled his eyes and took his black umbrella which was still moist.  
"Okey,nothing that i cant handle right?"He chuffles  
Lestrdae shook his head with a smile and patted John on his shoulders.  
"Come on then"  
They didnt get too far untill someone is yelling behind them.  
"Nazis!They are coming!  
John calmly turns and sees man behind him,who is very upset.John moves fast and locks the arms of the man.The man tries to get free and whines.John tightens his grib.  
"Hey,calm down.Theres no nazis,You need to calm down Anderson."  
For a moment Anderson stayed quiet until he tooks deep breath ans starts yelling even louder.John sighed and asked Lestrade to get the nurse.When the nurse have take care of Anderson they are continuing their task.Lestrade seem to be in his thoughts and John open se the door what leads into old staircase.The room is moist and walls are echoing thei steps.John opens the large iron door and they step into outside where the rain is heavier.  
John opens his umbrella offering place under it to Lestrade,but with a small gesture Lestrade is  
denying it.  
The Hospital was build in 18hundrets.The war that took over Europe few years ago had made some total damage on it.Even the building didnt get any straight hits,it was in order for soldiers because the space for wounded were running out.After end of the war it was quickly repared and it continued as a mental hospital.John started working here in 1947.First he studied to be a doctor but later on he specialized to mental patients.He loved the work as a regular doctor,but after he was commanded to the first line during the war to take care of wounded soldiers.He had seen so much death and friends and family to die that he first thought of going on retirement.But then he read about this small mental hospital on the country side and thought that the job would suit him.After all he loved helping others and this way he didnt see anyone to die anymore.  
John was so deep in his thought that he didnt realize that they had arrived on the gates already.John glanced at Lestrade who was blinking water out of his eyes.John smiled.God nothing could make this man angry or even slightly pissed.Always in good mood.  
Lestrade were in the same troup as John in the war.Now as the quard he loved his job.Both of them did.And why shouldnt they?It was sort of peacuful and the stuff and salary were great.  
John blowed in his free palm to make it warmer.It was chilly and the wind was strong.John moved his legs and tried not to get annoyed over his wet shoes.It didnt take long until they saw  
shiny black rolls to curve in front of the hospital.Lestrade whistled approvingly to the cr and John shared his opinion by nodding his head.The engine stopped and the right side door opened.  
A tall .figured man,with a black fancy looking jacket stepped out of the car. His hands was covered with a black,leather glows.He had blue eyes and his expression was tired,worried but yet extremely elegant. The man with a leather glows took Watson hands and shook it,firmly. "Mycroft Holmes,He said silently but powerfully "Nice to meet you mister Holmes,im John Watson,doctor of your brother, John said and continued " i assume" Mycrofts lips turned into a slight grin,he nodded approvely to John "Yes,my brother,he is a,Mycroft paused his talk like he was trying to find the correct words to describe his brother. "Well his a mystery,not violent like i told earlier on the phone,its hard to describe him" His face now looked sad as all the confidence had disappeared.  
John felt awkward and he didnt know what to say at first.Finally when he figured out what to do the other door of the car was slammed open.  
A long figured,like his brother but slightly smaller man stood out.He looked at Mycroft and placed his both hands on the roof of the car.Unlikely like John was assumed he didnt look angry like all the other people who was brought here. No,he had mocking,arrogant look on his pale face and his mouth was smiling wildly.His blue eyes was burried into his brother and the rain and the wind made his dark curls mess. "im not going,He said "Youuu-caaant-maa-aake-ME"he sang without taking his eyes out of his older brother.

Mycroft rolled his eyes.

"Grow up wont you,its not a punishment Sherlock"  
he sounded serious but the man was still smiling.John felt shivers in his spine.This time Sherlock rolled his eyes and sighed over dramatically.Mycroft inhaled and sounded done and turned to the two nurse who were coming from the front door.Lestrade nodded to John,welcomed Sherlock in and left back to his own work.Mycroft spoke to the nurses with a small tone and John glanced Sherlock who was focused staring nothing.The rain was poring and it soaked Sherlock on it.For a moment John felt that the whole world stopped when he stared Sherlock.He felt his breath getting heavier.Suddenly Sherlock turned his head towards John and his sharp blue eyes pierced into John.His lips looked bright against his pale face and they slowly turned into smile.Johns heart jumped ja he realized he was smiling back.Everything felt foggy and Sherlocks fingers were tapping the roof.The water drops got stuck in his long,dark eyelashes and Sherlock blinked them away.The moment felt unreal and infinite.

"You can go inside now"Voice of the nurse heard say and it dropped John back to reality.John shook his head and coughed awkwardly.

"Yeah.ahem.yes.follow me"  
John felt little dizzy and he saw Sherlock eyes follow him as he walked towards inside.John stopped to shake Mycrofts hand for a good bye.The nurses entered the building with Sherlocks stuff and they heard the engine purr as Mycroft left.Sherlock took deap breath before following John inside.  
\----

Sherlock looked at John who was standing in front of him.He glanced around the room.It smelled like fresh paint and Sherlock wrinkling his nose for the smell.Disqusting.He sat down and fluffed his wet hair and let his hand stay in his curls.Small amount of water was rolling on his cheeks.It didnt take long for Sherlock to tone out in his own thoughts and he jumped from surprise of Johns voice.Sherlock jumped up with a one move making John laugh.

"I said lets go"

Sherlock frowned from disagreement but he followed John anyways.There was no woth of fighting with this man.Atleast he seemed to be sort of nice.John leaded them inside of a small elevator.It was painted gold and had a curragin sign on the wall which said "Theres always sun after darkness"Sherlock snorted.The elevator stopped at second floor where Sherlock followed John throught the halls.They passed a large room where other pations were sitting.Their curious eyes followed Sherlock.He heard someone yell for cleaning and Sherlock glanced behind him realizing that his wet clothes had left trail of water behind.He lifted his shoulder,some wet floor was not affecting him any ways.Soon they stopped at door that they said "Dr.Watson"

John opened the door with a quick move and shoved way to Sherlock.Sherlocks eyes traveled in the room.It contained all kind off doctor stuff but also two old chairs and small table middle of them.Sherlock put his weight on his other legs and after small thinking he sat down in the chair that was against the wall.John raised his eyebrows and mumbled something while getting his papers ready.Sherlock followed Johns movement curiously.John seemed to be avoiding eye contact with him.Finally John gathered everything and he sat down.

"Alright"  
John lifted his head and met Sherlock eyes.It made Sherlock inhale.Johns beautiful eyes openly fixated him and Sherlocks mouth dropped open.Sherlock gape John.He was slightly tanned,very muscular.His light hair was messy from the wind and his red lips were smiling at him.Sherlock blinked and glaced down.His cheeks felt hot and he placed his hand against them,trying to hide the possible red tone.John laughed and continued;

"Okey so William Sherlock Scott Holmes.Born in 1927,age 25,male"

Sherlock had recovered from earlier and he took his sassy attitude back by rolling his eyes for John.But John didnt pay attention on that because he was focused on the papers and he was sort of talking to himself.Sherlock scanned John from head to toes and smiled croockly. Index finger placed against his lips he leaned against his elbow.John cleared his throat.The talking had stopped and John looked him under his eyebrows.Sherlock seemed to fall in some weird trans.John bit his lip trying not to laugh.

"Sherlock?"

nothing.He tried again.

"Sherlock"

John sighed and raise his voice,

"Sherlock!"

Sherlock jolted up and goggled at John who was standing next to him.His jaw dropped open wwhen John kneeled to his level.John locked his eyes to Sherlock.Sherlocks heart was running when Johns face almost touched him.God how it would feel like kissing this man.Closing his eyes he breath throught his nose trying to clear his head.

"I get it,it must be hard for you right now,but you need listen and focus"John pointed at the clothes he had put out for him.Sherlock clicked his tongue and stared John as he were kidding.Nope,John really wanted him to put those hideous clothes on.

"White is not really my color"

"Oh so you can talk,haha but no,policy of the hospital,sorry."

After Sherlock came back from changing clothes he found John sitting on his table,doodling something in his note book.John raised his face and smiled.

"Looks great on my opinion"

Sherlock astonished and curled his finger on his slightly moist hair.  
When John had had everything he needed,he showed Sherlock into his room.It was small and the only furnish it had,was bed scruwed into wall.There was a small window above it and bars behind the glass.It made Sherlock feel trapped.The window showed the backyard which was surrounded by brick wall,forest behind it and small glance of the ocean.In the yard there was old gates leading on the garden and other side had pair of chairs and table.

"We go through the rules and others after dinner.I just get your name tag and shoes for you" John said and Sherlock nodded as he crossed his arms.Sherlock sat down on his bed and stroked his hair.His hand stopped and he didnt see any reason to move it so he leaned on to it.It was quiet and the rain was drumming the window.Letting out a deep sigh he realized that the room smelled strongly of cleaning products and he really wanted open the window.He wrinkeled his forehead and felt annoyed by the fact that his brother dared to leave him into this dump.Atl east there was John who could lighten this suffering litle bit.Atl east one interesting thing and maybe there was possibility to drag some joy out of John.Who knows.Sherlock hummed approvingly to his own thoughts.

John coughed from the door and Sherlocks eyes ripped open.He jolted up again.John was browsing Sherlocks face.Sherlock cleared his throat suddenly feeling revealead and awkward.John dropped pair of slippers on the floor.

"Come"He asked pointing the slippers.With a slow moves Sherlock walked to John.He had not realized the height difference between then earlier.John was not short but he was shorter than Sherlock.Johns head was on the level of his shoulders.Sherlock chuffled as he put the slippers on.Sherlock placed his hand on his hip and tilted his head.John looked calm and suddenly grabbed Sherlocks hand.It made him feel butterflies and the air tighten.Sherlocks heart was raising and all he could think about Johns fingers on his skin.John raised his face and smiled.

"There"

Sherlock frowned his eyebrows and glaced at his hand.John had put the name tag bracelet on him."Sherlock Holmes"it read.Sherlock inhaled through his nose and followed John keeping his eyes locked on the sealing.John watson seemed to have a habit of making him feel embarrassed.

\-----

Sherlock sat down on the table that Mary,around her early 30's had showed him.The dining hall was white and filled with others.There was no sign of taking at it was making him uncomfortable.Mary seemed to be nice and she placed Sherlocks plate in front of him.Two potatos and something that looked like gravy.Sherlock sucked his lips and with his finger he pushed the plate away.He grabbed his water glass and decided to give all of his attention for it.Sherlock rolled the glass between his fingers.Thinking about the food made him wrinkle his nose.With a sigh he placed the water glass back on its place and crossed his arms covering his face on it.Sound of a glass against wood made him peek through his hands.John had joined them table.Sherlock tilted his head so he could see John better but John was lost in conversation with Mary.They were laughing.Small amount of jellousness made him frown and cover his face back in his crossed arms.

About half hour listening their talking and giggling someone finally announced that everyone should go to the living room.Yes the living room,Mary mentioned something about.They called that open white room whit couches living room?Dull.  
Sherlock thought but without making a fuzz he followed others there and sat down on the only single sofa.There was also one bigger and in middle there was a large coffee table.Also couple of book self,board games,magazines and a radio slash record player.Sherlock rolled his eyes when two girls sat front of him on the table.Sherlock glanced them angrily.Why did they have to bother him.The whole place and people in it was really getting on his nerves.Just as he was going to tell them piss of Mary started talking.She sounded exited and happy.

"Afternoon.As you may have noticed we have a new friend here!"

Mary pointed at Sherlock and Sherlock snorted on the word friend.Everyone turned to look at him and it annoyed him.

"You wanna tell something about yourself darling"Mary was smiling

Sherlock exhaled angrily and pierced his eyes to Mary who lifted her arms for a peace offering.

"Okey lets just go straight to the schedules."She sounded hurt.

The papers traveled through everyone and Anderson with the two last papers manage to drop Sherlocks on the floor.Sherlock faked smiled at him and angrily dragged the paper to him with his foot.The paper in his hand he gave it quick look.

Dinner 14.00  
Outside 15.00-16.00  
Free time 16.00-16.30  
Group therapy 16.30-18.00   
Activities 18.00-19.00   
Light meal 19.00   
Sleep 20.00   
Lights off 20.30" 

This made Sherlock feel sick.It was not okey to someone to plan his day for him.Closing his eyes he rubbed his face trying to ignore others.Mary continued announcing that the rain had stopped and it was good time to go outside.Everyone started making their way on the doors and Sherlock crossed his arms tight and looked at the sealing.Mary gave him quick pitying look before she left.Sherlock released his arms and rubbed his lips.

"Hello"

"Sherlock turned his head to see a man with brown eyes staring at him.Sherlock jerked backwards.The man looked cold and his smile was mental.Shivers run down of Sherlocks back.

"Jim Moriarty"The man said offering his hand

"No thank you"

Jim squinted and hissed ad he turned away,throwing a chair on the wall.Sherlock zapped.It didnt take long to Lestrade to run and tackle Jim on the ground.Pushing him on the ground he yelled happily

"Everythings fine"

 

Sherlock shook his head while Jim was dragged away.Sherlock stretched his body and saw John coming towards him.He was holding Sherlocks black shoes and a someones brown leather jacket.Sherlock raised his eyebrow.

"You didnt have jacket with you so you can have mine.I have two"

John threw the jacket on Sherlocks lap and dropped the shoes on the floor.With a blank face Sherlock raised from his seat and dressed in Johns jacket.It smelled like John and it was little loose.Sherlock quickly slipped his feet on his shoes and followed John.

\----  
John took a quick look around and slipped pack of cigarettes on his pocket.

 

"Your brother recommended"

Sherlock smiled thankfully.

"Come.Its more peaceful over there"

John walked down of the table and chairs.Sherlock sat down with John and lighted his cigarette.Pointing it towards John as gesture to share them with him but John refused of the offer by slightly shaking his head.Sherlocks head jolted backwards and John softly laughed at him.Sherlock sighed and lifted his head and observed John with his eyes.He certainly had amusing features.Sherlock raised his eyebrow and made approving face.

"What are you looking at"John said softly.

Sherlock raised his shoulder and blowed smoke.

"You"

John tilted his head and hymned.Sherlock was making notes about Johns behaviour.He didnt act like an Mental hospital Doctor.  
both of them enjoyed their company.Others were making noises on the background.They seemed to be having good time.

"How long i need to stay here"

"Long as you need"

"But how long"

John sighed."i honestly cant tell you yet.we dont know"

Sherlock draw deep frown on his face.John bit his lip because he felt quilty making Sherlock sad.He tangled his fingers around Sherlocks hand which was laying on the table.Sherlocks cheek felt warm and he swallowed loudly.A deep smile grew on Johns lips and he gently stroke his hand.All of Johns behaviour was new for Sherlock but he liked it.Sherlock stared at John and this time he didnt mind even he knew that his cheeks were probably bright red.A sight escaped from Sherlocks lips when Johns fingers tangled harder around his hand and John chuckled.Sherlock felt calm but he was bit scared about how John would think about people like him.Some people find being queer sick and wrong.But it was not problem now so Sherlock ignored his thoughts.John was after all only his doctor and it was his job to make him feel better.Sherlock laid his face on the table and John felt terrible urge to stroke his head.On Johns opinion Sherlock was extremely interesting.He was not like the other patents and he was certainly the most beautiful human being he had met.John felt Sherlock already growing on him.And he adored his reactions of His touch or words.John smiled at his thoughts and looked Sherlock who was mumbling something out of his breath and suddenly he lifted his head.  
Sherlock never had any kind off interest against other people like this,but John was different.  
Sherlock flashed a friendly smile to John.If he was not on where he was.If things were different.He would want John for himself.A loud noise interrupted them and the rain followed the noise.Everyone were rushing back to inside.It was poring and Sherlock was still sitting on the chair,hair now dripping water again.He looked at John whos expression he found hilarious.Johns faces was in deep frown.Sherlock started laughing.John gave him first annoyed look but soon joined the laughter. There they were,a man with a messy curly hair and clothes soaked in water and a slightly older man with blond hair that the wind and rain had messed, holding a wet cigarettes and laughing.Sherlock would like staying on the rain but soon John escorted him back to the inside.John promised to bring new cigarettes to him tomorrow when he would visit the town.With a hand in Sherlocks back Sherlock felt warm and fuzzy in his stomach,his blood running to his cheeks making them have a rosy tone.

With John permission,Sherlock didnt have to take part todays groups so instead they headed to Johns room for their first talk session. Sherlock told John how he and his brother were living in small town in Idaho while the war was on.Mycroft made him study at first but later on sherlock dropped out and started helping the local police.They were from wealthy family so neither of them needed to work for money.John for exchanged told Sherlock about the war.How he had work on the field for the wounded.The fact that John was former soldier made him even more interesting. They continued talking for a good long time until it was time for meal.Even Sherlock didnt feel like eating,he did ate a sandwich,John sitting next to him,telling him to take a bite just for amuse him,if no other reason and Sherlock did. After the meal,the nurse brought a two pills for him,to help for sleep she had said.Sherlock swallowed them and after 15minutes he felt the nausea slowly growling on him.Sherlock went to his room and sat down his bed.He tried fighting against the sleep but it was no use. The pills were working and Sherlock gave up with the idea of keeping his eyes open.


	2. We all have our stories

John opens his office door to let Anderson in.The poor man is shaking and his eyes filled with terror.Anderson sits down and buries his face on his hands,still shaking.When he finally raised his face which was wet on his tears John could see the scars on his face clearly from his freshly shaved face.

"Tell me,what is it?John asked with a worried tone in his voice.Anderson spoke with a shaky,upset voice"My dream,i was back in the Dachau.It happened all over again.They tortured me again."He was reffering to his time at Dachau's.Dachau was place in South-Germany where over 30 000 people were captured between 1933 and 1945.Lestrades troop was on rescue there at 1943.They found the gates with a sign that said "Arbeit macht frei" what means "work frees you"They kept prisoners from 31 different country.The prisoner were made work for free and used as a human testing and were tortured.

Eldery people,children and sick were put in gas chambers.Some of the people was sent to Auschwitz.Anderson was captured when he was on france 1936.He spent 7years on Dachau.While Lestrades troop was stalling the camp they saw a truck leave from the premises.They attacked and manage to stop the car where they found 34 starving people in very bad conditions.All of those people were supposed to go on Auschwitz.After Anderson was freed he had spent his time on several mental institutions.

 

"But you are not there anymore Anderson,you were freed remember?"John said to calm the shaking man down.John continued to calm him down and finally after 30minutes he was feeling better and John led him out of the room.

 

Meanwhile at the living-room Sherlock was sitting on the little round table that they moved there while ago.Out of pure boredom he was making a puzzle.The hospital had 56 different puzzels and sherlock had finished 55 of them on one day.The twins were sitting next to him on the floor,playing with cards.Their appearance annoyed him.They were two boring people that Sherlock had no interest in.He talked with them yesterday,only to find out there was nothing interesting on them,just two ordinary girls with no good topics to discuss about what so ever.Jim was locked in the white room because he had attacked others with a plastic knife."Full time psychopath"Sherlock thought out loud as he put the last piece on it place.He took a moment to look the finished puzzle until he packed it away.With a loud sight he stood up and started walking towards John office.

 

Sherlock knocked the door and it only took couple of seconds to John open it.With a wide smile on his face Sherlock stepped inside of the office without invitation and found his way to the chair.John shook his head and laughed softly as he followed Sherlock.It was quite rude to think so but John find Sherlock much more better company than his other patients.Sherlocks eyes were following Johns movement as he walked in to the main office and back with two cups of tea.He hands the other to Sherlock and sits down.Sherlock sips his tea and groans "Im bored,take me outside"locking his eyes straight to Johns,as like it would help him to get his way but John says quickly with a firm voice "No"

Sherlock groans louder and takes his cigarette behind his ear and lights it with matches that John had left on the table.

The smoke raises up to the sealing and Sherlock gives John annoyed look."God Sherlock you know i dont like you smoking inside,John speaks and looks up."OH i think you are regretting your cruel decision to not take me outside"Sherlock mocks.John moves his head from the sealing to Sherlock and says with frustrated voice"You know sometimes you act like five year old"Sherlock laughs at John"You are my doctor,you shouldnt talk like that to me"John joins the laugh"What are you gonna tell on me?They both giggle for a while.

John sighs deeply and adds "I take you outside later,but you have to take part todays group activities.We are painting,it will be fun,im gonna join you guys"Sherlock rolls his eyes and muffles "sure,fine,whatever"under his breath.He puts out of the cigarette,finishes his tea and stands up.He thanks John and returns the living room.The twins Anna and Naomi were playing board games with Sabina.For a second he thought of joining the girls but instead he walked to the book-self and grabbed a random book that he pretended to read.

 

 

Some-point of his fake reading John walked to them telling that they would start group activities now.The art room located one floor up from their floor.John on the lead and Lestrade on the back,making sure no one would escape they climbed the stairs to the ward number 3.The art room was big and filled with empty canvases,different paints and art supplies.There was more patients on 3rd floor and 5 of them joined for the group.

Mary was also there,she was helping the girls pick a topic for their paintings.Lestrade sitting on the corner table looking everyone with a smile.The other five were at one group of their own with a man called Mike,who was their supervisior.Mike asked if Lestrade wanted to join the others but with calm voice he just answered"Not my devision"and returned his silent thinking.Anderson joined the new group.Sherlock felt out of place started planing escaping the painting but then he felt a familiar hand on his shoulder and turned to see Johns face smiling at him."Dont even think about leaving Sherlock,He whispered and handed a brush to him.John was sitting next to Sherlock.Everyone were laughing and painting and having conversations but Sherlock was sitting silently in front-off the plank canvas.It took him forever to get any kindoff inspiration but then he decided to paint the scenary from his room window.Or part of it.He painted the woods and the ocean.John leaned closer to him to look at Sherlocks work."Bloody hell thats amazing Sherlock,he said and crossed his arms.Satisfying look grow on Sherlocks face and he whispered to John"Take me there"Sherlock moved his eyes to John to see his reaction and Johns lips were in half smile and he moved his hand on Sherlocks shoulder and answered"One day i will,but today you have to go with the garden"

 

 

After the group they headed back to the second floor.There was 4 floors on that building.In first were the younger patient,age 15 to 21,older than that were staying at second floor.Third floor contained patiens that needed longer help and the rumor had it that Anderson would be transformed there soon.No one know what fourth floor had in.Sherlock over heard the group from 3rd floor talk that in floor 4 was surgery rooms and the craziest and dangerous ones were kept there.That there was practised lobotomy and shock therapy.Wonder if they took Jim there,Sherlock thought since Jim was vanished from their floor.

 

When they had returned Sherlock walked back to his favorite chair on the living room.Anderson were playing unknown album on the record player.The girls sitting on the big couch talking about hair products and other girl stuff that did not interest Sherlock.He was just waiting for John to inform he so they could use the employee exit to go for a walk.Soon enough Sherlock noticed John standing end of the hallway so he jumped up and with a fast steps walked to John.John handed him his jacket and shoes and they exited the building from the stairs.John knew he broke the rules of the hospital but when he brought Sherlock outside it made him happy.Inside Sherlock looked small and sad,always out of place but when they were outside he was acting differently.He was much more energizer and spoke more.And when Sherlock was happy,he was happy.

 

 

They walked down to the backyard and with nothing more than silent between them they found their way to the metal door that lead to the garden.Sherlock lit a cigarette while John worked the door open.The garden was beautiful and they sat down under cherry tree.Sherlock was playing with the smoke of cigarette and John was just simply watching to do so.The air started to be colder and made Sherlock cheeks look reddish.Johns eyes were capturing the moment.There was nothing special happening,just a man playing with his cigarette under a cherry tree and other man looking him to do so.Sherlock broke the moment by saying"Tell me John,what is in floor four?John looked rather surprised by the question"well,theres the surgical room,just for in case and few sells.You know for the people who are too aggressive to be freely with others.Sherlock was making small noices as he thought for a while and asked"Do they really do lobotomy and shock therapy here"Sherlocks voice was filled with curisioty.John sighed and hooked his friends hand.He didnt want to continue this conversation,John was worried that it might upset Sherlock who was staring John with his blue eyes again and playing with his curls.John ended to answer him anyways"You know both of those are only used if nothing more helps,dont worry i promise no one does it for you,but yes for the shock no for lobotomy.Sherlock moved his eyes to sky."hmm"for a while non of them spoke a word."When we are going to see the ocean?"Sherlock suddenly thought out-loud with a sad tone in his voice."Soon enough"John yawned while he spoke.Johns insides filled with happiness when his curly haired companion laid his head to Johns shoulder and let out deep sight "i hate this place John.

 

John moved his arm around Sherlock whos mood had made total turn.As happy he were that the young man trusted him more,the tone Sherlock spoke cut him deep.Even that he looked fine he was far from recover."I know,i know.After you get totally better i promise to take you somewhere,any where,John said trying to cheer him up.Sherlock lifted his head and with a small adorable voice he said"France? and John answered "France" Sherlock placed his head back to Johns shoulder and they returned to the silence which never bothered them.


	3. few months later

The months had past quickly.The days had been basically the same,waking up,breakfast,meds,seeing psychologist,boredom,group therapy,lunch,dinner,forced activitys and the most important,walks with John,Talking with John,Tea with John.John.Today Sherlock woke up before seven,simply because the weather had tuned freezing and so had his room.With his blanket on he walked to the living room where the nurse was playing christmas songs silently and reading newspaper.Politely Sherlock asked for a cup of coffee and as the nurse went to get him one sherlock sat down the sofa and glanced down to the paper.Murder,murder,politics,murder,something about actors.Sherlock yawned and burried himself in his blanket.The hospitals was so quiet.Sherlock closed his eyes enjoing that there was no one bothering to him.It didnt last long untill the nurse came back with his coffee.It was saturday and everyone were allowed to sleep until 10.Sherlock looked at the clock.6.30am.Nurse who was sitting next to him didnt try to make any conversation.All of the nurses gave up with that ages ago.Sherlock stood up and thanked the women and went back to his room,one hand holding a coffee,other dragging the blanked behind him.He sat down to his bed and plased the cup on wooden chair next to him.John gave it to him since he didnt show any signs of agressivity or attentions to hurt himself.The window were frosty and Sherlock started draw small shapes on it with his long fingers.With a sight he reached the chair and took one of his cigarettes and lit it with his new lighter that John gave it to him.As a pre christmas gift,like he had called it.Thinking about John made him smile.He felt regret by waking so early.John would come on ten.And it was not even seven yet.Sherlock started blowing small circles to kill some time but after 15minutes and two cigarettes he gave up and went back to the living room with his blanket around him.The nurse was still there."Hi"Sherlock said sounding overly exited.The nurse put her magazine down,took a long glance at his face and then answered with a smile"Hi darling"This was the morning nurse who was quite old.She was friendly looking and her voice was welcoming.Her eyes were grayish and hair short."Umm what is your name"Sherlock awkwardly tried to make a conversation."Oh call me ms.Hudson love,is there anything i can do for you"She said with a chirping voice."If i could make phone call.The nurse who now had a name cheerfully took Sherlock to the main office and sat him down next to the phone.She wished Sherlock happy holidays and told that she would start her vacation today.Ms.Hudson and his husband were going to florida.God this women can talk Sherlock thought.He felt like he made mistake by talking to her at the first place.Surely she would try to talk with him later on the future.But Sherlock listened until she was finished and leaved.It took him a moment to decide who to call.It was bit ironic because only person he could ring was his brother."Not the most delightful idea but it will do,he thought outloud.The phone ranged 6 times until Sherlock heard Mycrofts voice on the other side."Hello Mycroft,hows the queen"Sherlock started and heard his brother sigh on the other side of the line."Hello brother mine,the queen is fine.What are you doing up so early.everything fine? he asked and sounded truly interest about his younger brother."Im fine.Couldnt sleep,too cold."Sherlock said."I cant visit you at christmas but i will send you a present,mycroft continued their conversation.Sherlock felt disappointed that he had to spent the holidays in the hospital.Not that he liked Christmas,it just felt wrong.He carried his conversation with his brother and after 10minutes Mycroft needed to go so Sherlock hanged the phone.

 

The silence had returned.Sherlock crooked his head backwards and his hair that was now slightly longer was tickeling his neck.With a fast movement hi drop his head down,letting his arm travel in his curls.Sherlock sighed and grabbed the phone again and dialed Johns number.His heart was beating fast from the thought of hearing Johns voice.Two beebs and Johns voice following it "John Watson" "Hey,Sherlock said happily but with a small voice."Sherlock?is that you?Are you okey?Johns voice sounded anxious."Yes,why does everyone keep asking that?,Sherlock wondered and heard John laugh."Why are you calling me home on this hour?John laughed."Bored and its cold"Sherlock heard John sigh loudly "Ill be there in two hours,see you then"and then he hanged the phone.

 

 

\---

 

 

John stretched his arms and looked at the clock.7.00.He had 2 hours to spare.It took an hour drive to the hospital.Still streching John walked to his small kitches and poured himself a cup of coffee.While just sitting on the kitchen chair and sipping his coffee John thought about the call from Sherlock.It made him smile and thought "You are a ridicilous man Sherlock Holmes.Christmas dragging near meánt that Johns holidays started on a week.Once again alone in the holidays,for gods sake a man fights against nazis and this what he gets?he thought and rubbed his tired eyes.John never slept longer than six.This morning we woked up on greaf.He felt the urge to visit her sister,Harriet on this Christmas.It had been over 5years from the last visit.John took a deep breath.I have enough time for a shower,he thought and with a small decicion he found his way to the small bathroom of the flat.

 

 

\---

 

 

Sherlock was tapping his fingers on the coffee table.This morning felt stupidly long.Sherlock moved his legs nervously.He felt the familiar butterflies inside of his stomach when his mind traveled to John."God come already"He sighed loudly without noticing he had said it outloud.Anderson who was sitting on the large sofa turned his face towards Sherlock.He had curious look on his face.Sherlock answered him with a gold,emotioneless look.In every other day he would talk with Anderson,The man had actually interesting topics to discuss but today Sherlock felt too occupied to do so.Anderson gave him a crooked smile and when he left,he gently tapped Sherlocks back.Small gestures like this always made him feel included.Others had been up for a while now but Sherlock didnt feel like joining them on breakfast.For a moment he felt disqussed for the need he had for John all the time.Without noticing he had walked back to his room,on his bed where he could atleast stare the ocean.Temperature being so low it would be possible for snow anytimenow,he thought and once again lit a cigarette and let the smoke dance around his small room.

Sherlock closed his eyes and leaned the wall.He was lonely again.And he missed his home and his violin.Mostly freedom.Only reason he didnt escape the building was John.Sherlock had figured out 20 different ways to break out but there was no need to do so. If he did Mycroft would just send him to other hospital again.Send him away from John.Making a loud groan he smashed his face to pillow,other hand putting out the cigarette on wall,other hand softly laying on his head."I would die here before you arrive.

so long it took from you to come my dear Watson,he mouthed under his groaning."Well that would be rude,just die there looking stupid,Sherlock heard Johns voice from the door.Sherlock tuned his face to John and his eyes were ripped open and he had shocked look on his face.Dear watson dear watson dear watson i said it and John heard it.Why did i say it out loud oh my god how stupid of me,Sherlock thought,letting his eyes travel to Johns.Sherlocks cheeks felt hot and John was just standing there,giggling,other hand on his hip.

John gestured that they would go outside since it was weekend and there was nothing planed for the day.

 

Soon enough the found them self walking in the large garden,which looked different without the yellowish leaves on the trees.Tempature had go down under zero and it really looked that it could snow.Silence between them,taking slow steps to nowhere John stopped them by grabbing slightly Sherlock hand."I will be gone for the holidays,four weeks,He said and looked Sherlocks face.His cheek had a reddish tone from the cold air,making the blue eyes yet again look darker.Sherlock fastly blinked his dark eye lashes.Gosh this man looked beautiful.Sherlock muffled under his breath with a deep voice."Four weeks,he closed his eyes,head tilting backwards.Sherlock felt shivers from the cold and from the fact he would not see John for a month.Slowly lowering his head he opened his eyes,looking at Johns face,to memorize it good for the future.Johns red cheeks and blue eyes looked like a painting, beautiful painting framed with a blond hair.John looked sorry.His leather jacket sitting perfectly on his fit body.Black jeans that were little bit too big."You gonna be alright,John said,stopping Sherlocks thoughts.Sherlock couldn't answer John.He felt betrayed without no reason which made him upset.Small tears appearing in corners of his eyes Sherlock fastly blinking them away,he lied to John"Yeah,ill be fine.Hesitating bit John crapped Sherlocks cold fingers to his own,giving a warm smile to him.Sherlock smiled back shyly.

 

Standing there for ages Sherlock felt small snowflakes on his cheek.More of the flakes war landing on his hair,jacket and ground.After hour the world had turn white and Sherlock and John started making their way back from the cold,fingers still tangled together.When they reached the backyard John freed his hand,without looking Sherlock.It would be not to approved to see him walking like that with a man,specially with his patient.John on the lead they headed inside.


	4. Its almost Christmas

The staff had brought a big tree on the living room.Everyone except Sherlock took part on decorating it.Whole hospital was festive and on the last day before everyone leaving for their Christmas vacation were there a small party for them.Also people who were going to work on the hospital was introduced to the patients.Mary was playing her favorites on the record player and everyone was having fun.Sherlock plays with sleeves of his new rope which Mycroft had sen to him.It was wine red and the sleeves were little over sized.He didnt enjoy the party.Everyone now dancing and laughing Sherlock saw the perfect opportunity to sneak off.Instead going to his own room he found Johns office as better choice for hiding.The door was open like Sherlock thought.Christmas songs were playing on the distance and sherlock sat on his chair,like he prefer to call the newer chair in Johns office.Litting a cigarette he placed his head on his other hand.The fact that John was leaving lowered his mood.Sherlock kicked the coffee table in front of him.Muffling words silently and shaking the ashes on the floor.Soft blues song was now being played and Sherlock moved his legs on the rhythm.For the first time on his life his head was empty of thoughts.There was only one word in his brain.John.He kicked the brown table slamming it against the cabinet creating a chain reaction what dropped glass bottles to floor.The room filled with noises of breaking glass and Johns voice"What the hell are you doing Sherlock?John was waiting for a explaining.Instead of words Sherlock just gasped over dramaticly,dropping his cigarette on the floor and crossed his arms.John looked like he could burst in manic laugh soon and with a sigh John kicked the table closer to Sherlock and sat on the corner of it.John moved his hand on Sherlocks knee and looked him with seriously."Really,what is it? Two many thoughts at the same time Sherlock couldnt get nothing but a small whine out of his mouth.Quickly glancing Johns hand Sherlock felt his body to lean closer to John.And closer again.So close his mouth was almost touching Johns lips.Sherlock felt Johns warm,minthy breath on his face.Leaning closer Johns suddenly placed his hands on Sherlock shoulders,pushing him away."No,Sherlock i.im not,no.sorry.Words cutting deep in his mind Sherlock saw John stand and turn to his table,taking little packet with a gold paper and black ribbon what he handed to his young friend,who was silent,having a shocked look on his beautiful face."Im really sorry,merry christmas Sherlock Holmes.John placed the gift to the table where Sherlock attempt to kiss him and left the room.Sherlocks face had froze to stare the space were John just had stand.He could hear nothing nor see a thing.Somepoint the music had stopped.He didnt care.People leaving.He didnt care.Strange voice calling lights off.Still sitting.Whole place had turned quiet and dark,only lights left at Johns office where Sherlock had froze.Sherlock didnt move until his body started ache.Fastly blinking while he returned the reality and shaking his head and letting out deep,depressed sight.

 

Sherlock opened his eyes and checked the time from Johns wall clock;2.16am.

"How long did i sat there.Damn it.All of it.Didnt even get the chance to say goodbye.Did i relly need to do that freezing thing right now?On that moment?Whats John thinking about me now?That im pathetic gay person who got upset because he didnt want to kiss me?Oh John im not gay you see,i dont like men i like a man.Only you,its always been you doctor Watson.Sherlock was speaking with a small voice to himself.Streching his sore limps and noticing the gift John had left him.Small grin grew on his lips as he reached and grabbed the package to his hand.

Softly playing with the ribbon,hands feeling the paper he moved his fingers to pull it open.Smoothly untieng the sealing he felt his hand shake from exitment.He dropped the ribbon on his white pants and removed the paper revealing dark blue box.Lifting the topper part to see a tied paper at first.Sherlock landed the box in his tight and opened the note."Little bit shining to your dark life.When i return we will visit the beach -Your Dear Watson"

"You are giving me some mixed signal here.Sherlock laughed.

Taking the box from his knee and lifting a golden medallion from it.Sherlock let pleased Oh from his mouth and placed the Jewel middle of his palms.It felt cold and smooth.Sherlock worked the medallion open, it clicked as the other side popped open revealing a picture of both of them sitting on the garden chairs.Both smiling.Sherlock remember how mary had sneak the photo of them on late autum.In the other piece was written "To my dearest friend"The word friend made him grind a little but Sherlock didnt let that bother him.The man had just given him a golden jewel.Sherlock smiled from amusment.He put it on his neck and layed his hand on it.Atleast he had a picture of John now.

Sherlock planed on staying on Johns room for that night but he was surprised by one of the new people,a large man with a tattoos on his knuckles.Sherlock jumped up,ready to explain why he was there but before he had time for that the man was already yanking him roughtly from his arms,causing Sherlock pain.From the reflects Sherlock pushed the man away,who dripped over Johns table and landing on the broken bottles.As he landed manage the man make sounds so loud that three other man,that sherlock didnt recognize run to the room.The man laying on the floor,bleeding from his hands yelled that Sherlock attacked him when he surprised him from sneaking medicine from the office.Sherlock eyes opened wide and two man locked his hands."I didnt try to steal anything,I DIDNT DO ANYTHING WRONG!sherlock shouted but the men didnt listen to him.Roughly they dragged Sherlock to the elevator.

Sherlock moaned from pain when they threw him on the elevator,Sherlocks head smashing on the wall.Yet again he tried them make listen to him,but instead listening,the largest man stepped on his hand what made a scrunching noice.Sherlock gasped for air.Small panic started to grow on him when they passed third floor.Four.They are taking me to four.Sherlock panicked.Elevator making a sound that they had arrived the largest man lifting Sherlock up from his hair.Without releasing his grib,the men brought Sherlock on the last room of the floor.Floors on the ward was dirty,Sherlock heard people screaming and yelling and crying from their cells.Whole place seemed to be sound proof.Some of the lights were broken and it was extremely cold.A man opened a door to a empty cell where Sherlock was threw.His head smashed on the concreat floor.It caused him extreme pain and the room started spinning in his eyes.Coughing from the stinning pain Sherlocks eyes strated to close and the door was locked.Shaking hi moved his hand to the medallion and whispered "John" as he lost his consciousness.

 

 

Cold air lift goosebumbs all over Sherlocks body.The smell of blood made him recall what happened.His head was pounting and the cold,moist cell had only small amount of light coming from the small,dirty window.There was no bed,only bucket to use as toilet.Sherlock lift his sore body with his arms and sat legs crossed,hands balancing his head.Sherlocks clothes was dirty from the blood that bled out of his head.With a husky voice he yelled;Help!Let me out of here"Help im in pain!For a first it was just silence untill he heard familiar voice behind the wall."Pain demands to be felt mr.Holmes"Sherlock identified it as Jims voice."Iv been waiting fro you Sherlock.Waiting you to come play with me"If the pain werent taking over his thoughts he would answer something snarky to him.With a slow movement he moved his body under the window where the most of the light was.Jim was yelling sentences that made no sense,only words Sherlock registerd was;Shock-therapy,pain,no one will save you,forever and reindeer's.He blocked Jims voice and opened his medallion.The light was not enough to warm him so he burried deeper to his rope.Sherlock looked picture of him and John.Oh how mad John would be when he heard what happened.For hours Sherlock sit and waited the door to open.After the light started dying and room got colder he realized no one would let him out.Realization that everyone were at their vacations,so there was no one who could save him.Ms.Hudson was gone.Lestrade.Mary.Other nurses.Mike from 3rd floor.John.John was gone.John had promised that they wouldnt put him here."You promised.Sherlock whispereddisappointment.Tear of and anger was dripping from his eyes.Letting himself cry for the first time in his life,Sherlock layed down to the floor,burring his head to his hands.Somepoint of the evening he fell to sleep.


	5. Days go passing by

On the fourth day Sherlock woke up on womans screaming.It was heart breaking sound that filled every room of the floor.The screaming continued for a ten minutes and then it just stopped.Sherlock heard a man praying somewhere.Someone was yelling help.Jim was whistling christmas tunes.On the distance were more yelling,crying and begging.Sherlock body ached and he felt weak.No one gave him any food or water in those days and the lack of nicotine made his head hurt continuedly.Spite the fact that his body was in pain and weak Sherlock stood up and took couple steps with his shaky legs.Near by was coming steps towards his door.Sherlock leaned to the door.Thank god they are bringing me food.He opened his mouth to yell "About time!The door in fact opened and Sherlock landed to the ground which was painfull.Starting to get back up he felt a sting on his hands.Just enough time to tilt his head side to see what happened hi felt fist against his face and everything went black again.

 

 

\----

 

Sherlock looked Johns face and his cheek felt warm.Blushing infront toff John didnt bother him.John laughed as he was playing with his fingers.John had brought a basket of food with him."Whats that for?Sherlock asked and pointed the basked."We are going to see the ocean,remember?John laughed again.A wide smile appeared to Sherlock lips and he played with his curls."You should really shorten those.Not much,just to make it little tightier.John said and took deep breath and bravely stared Sherlock in his eyes.Sherlock blushed even more.

"You know how beautiful you are to me John Watson.Sherlock muffled out of his breath,making John giggle and tilt his head on the side.John was smiling and reached to move his hand from his hair.The coffee table was moved and their chairs were moved closer.John locked Sherlocks fingers to his own."You know how i love you Sherlock Holmes. 

 

\---

 

The sharp pain was going through his body.Sherlock felt the electricity burn his brain,burning sensation running every where.Buzzing noise was covered with his own yelling and screaming.Sherlock was yelling so loud from the pain that it made his lungs burn.He couldnt think or anything else than the pain.His body was clinching and cramping,trying to escape the torture.Leather straps was burried on his wrist and thights and ankles.He could see the bright light pointed at his face.Everything was burning and fried.His despaired screams growing louder,lungs crying for air.The pain was undescribable.His brain felt like melting and every muscle tried to jump of his torso.Blood dripping from his nose and tears wildly felling from his eyes.It felt like infinite time after cause of pain stopped.Someone opened his straps letting him free.With in a shock Sherlock turned to drop him away from the chair of pain.Every inch of his body still in fire he laid on the ground trying to breath.Air hurt in his lungs and the urge to vomit took over.Trying to get away the smell of his vomit someone kicked him down.

Tired from the torture Sherlock zoned himself out without caring that someone was kicking his ribs.Grunching noises and pain.But he was too tired to yell anymore.Or fight back.As he was drifting away he felt cold water on his body.Still to tired he didnt bother open his eyes.Someone yelling.Hands slapping his face.No not worth opening them now.Sherlock thought.His wet clothes felt uncomfortable but it was least of his worries now.The burning of his brain was still there.The fuzziness and floating like feeling.Nothing felt real.Someone grabbing him.Opening door sounds.Falling.Hard ground.Darkness.Pain everywhere.Sherlock couldnt think more than indivisually.John.John.John.

 

He woke up in the dark.Pain coming back to him woke him up to reality.How long did i sleep?Did it really happened?How i got here.Sherlock took deep breath to clear his mind and felt sharp pain in his left side of body.Moving his sore,bruised hands he felt it swollen.The person kicking me must broke my ribs he thought.How long iv been here?How long i need to be here anymore?Sherlock noticed train containing a litlle amount food next to him.There was also extremely thin matres kinda thing under him.Every move hurt him but since he didnt have anything to eat yet he used his remaining strenght to do so.After he finished his food he layed back to the matress.It was not soft enough to be comfortable but it would do better than the hard floor.Also it smelled like old vomit and urine.Closing his eyes again Sherlock thought the conversation he had with John while he was unconscious and under some kindoff drug.He knew it wasnt real but didnt let it bother him.Pain reminding it existence Sherlock hummed and rocked his body until he was in sleep again.


	6. Christmas  1952

John was reading the morning paper and sipping his freshly made coffee.Left side he had placed his ham and cheese sandwich.White christmas was playing on the radio.Image of Sherlock appeared on his mind.Fastly he shook it of.Damn that man for stealing my thoughts,John thought and silently laughed.It was no time for thinking about him.Instead of thinking more of Sherlock,Johns sister now filled his thoughts.I should really go visit Harry.Rubbing his eyes with his fingers he felt pressure on his chest from anxiety.He needed to visit Harry.It been five years when he last did.He need to go now.

Getting dressed up John left his warm flat and sat on his car.Two hour drive to London,where her sister was.His stare and thoughts focused on the snowy road he gassed up.It was a clear day but he didnt like driving on the snow.Too dangerous.John laughed at his own thoughts and spoke to himself"Too dangerous to drive on snow,says the man who fought against Hitlers army.

After he arrived London,John stopped for a coffee to little diner,a corner away from Harry.The diner where he entered was small and empty.Old lady working alone.It didnt surprise him.It was a Christmas day.It was actually a small miracle to find anything open today.The old lady brought John his coffee and smiled warmly wishing a good holidays to him.John returned the gesture.While drinking his coffee,his eyes traveled around the diner.The basic black and white colors on the floor.Red comfortable chairs and a new jukebox on the corner.Counter was white and clean.Big witring covered in all kindoff buns,donuts and cinnamon rolls.Sherlock would like it here,John thought.He was wondering how Sherlock was doing.Since Sherlock didnt call him like he promised John thought that Sherlock was still upset from what happened before.Not like John didnt like Sherlock,he did but idea of them together felt odd and scary.And what would people think?Loudly sighting John finished his coffee and left the diner,ready to visit his sister.

It was snowing little,making the town look incredibility beautiful.Even John tried to walk slow it only took 5minutes to arrive on his destination.John looked down to Harrys grave stone.Emptiness took over him but he was happy that he came.John took small candle out of his pocket and placed it front of the grave.It gave orange glace to the snow and shine for the grave.John didnt talk but spent hour there with his sister after he drove back to home.

 

 

At home John put fire on his fireplace.It was warm and for a second he thought about roasting marshmallows in it.Suddenly John reminded that Sherlock,who never broke his word didnt call him.Small wave of worry flashed over him,making chills on his back.John stood up and walked to the kitchen where his phone located.From his memory he dialed the number of the hospital.It rang 20 times until he heard Adnresons shaky voice."Anderson?Can you ask Sherlock on the phone?He heard Anderson gasp when Sherlocks voice was said out loud."I cant,his not here."What do you mean NOT THERE!John was yelling now,was Sherlock leave the hospital?Was he with Mycroft?What where how why.It took forever to Anderson tell that Sherlock was moved to forth floor and that the new persons on the hospital were not acting nice towards anyone.John hanged the phone as he felt panicked.He knew what happened on the fourth floor to everyone.How patients were tortured.Years he tried get his voice trhu and stop those things from happening but no one believed him.John run into his bedroom and from his bookshelf he searched quickly Sherlocks folder.On the first page was written Mycrofts number.Back in the kitchen he called him,begging the phone to be answered.When Mycroft finally picked up the phone John talked fast and told him what happened.He then heard the phone go dead on the other side.John dropped the phone,took his car keys and started driving to the hospital.To Sherlock.

 

\---

 

Lack of food and water had made Sherlock extremely weak.Weeks of daily torture with a shock-therapy and beating turned his condition to bad.Sherlock was laying on his mattress under the small trail of light and watching Johns picture again.Lack of sleep had made him delirious.He had lost his sense of time.Now his ears were blocking the noises coming from other cells.Sherlock was coughing and saw blood coming from his mouth.The freezing cold air and cells had made him sick.It was hard for him tell what was real and what was not.High fever making him even worst.Sherlock was laying and staring the picture over and over again,mouthing "John" and "help me"under his breath.His body was covered with cuts and bruises.His skin turned even paler.Sherlock had try stand earlier but the pain was so bad that he couldnt move anything but his fingers."Please kill me.Im begging.You to kill me"He said pausing his speak.He kept dreaming about John and how he was going to come and safe him.Or how someone could come and kill him already.Both was good.Long as this stops.Sherlock thought.He made attempt move his hand but he felt too tired to do so.He was ready to give up.To distract himself Sherlock used his tired mind to recall memories from the past.

 

It took him back in 1947.20 year old Sherlock sitting on his brothers large living room.Everything was organized with colors and it looked more like set use in photo shoot than someones actual living room.Even the fireplace was clean.Soft blues was playing in the room and it smelled like cigarettes and burning wood.The music was from Sherlocks collection.He only liked two kindoff music;blues and classical.Mycroft sitting in front off him,deep in his thoughts.His appearance was always nobel looking,even when hi was just sitting on his 3 pieced suite,hair brushed back.Sherlock wearing large t-shirt tugged inside of his black jeans wearing no socks or shoes.Hair on messy curls,moving his open legs to show his frustration to his brother."You should go back to school brother mine,dont want you turn out all stupid and useless.Mycroft said seriously to his younger brother.They looked nothing like siblings unless from the similar high cheekbones and jawline.Sherlocks eyes were larger and mycroft was taller.Other one looking like gentleman and other looking like a low class man,like Sherlock had heard someone one describe them.His left side of face raised a small grind when he thought about it.Their personalities were more similar than their looks.Both incredibly handsome,they didnt get along with other human beings,never had."living in a world of goldfish.Mycroft had told him when he was fifteen.Both were home schooled.Their teachers always quitting on them because the brothers were intelligent and arrogant,always correcting the teaching,observing details and deducting life stories of others.People didnt appreciate their talent and intelligence.When Sherlock was 7 and Mycroft 14 their Mother gave up on the private education put them on public school.It only lasted for a one semester.Both Mycroft and Sherlock found other children stupid and boring.Sherlock had told on his classmates how their teacher were having a love affair with the principal and how their teacher secretly smoked in staff room.Mycroft had called his classmates stupid and refused to listen his teacher.Mycroft diagnosized his teacher with a cancer and made girl on his class cry,telling she was adopted.Mycroft never took part on his classes and only spoke to correct his teacher.Sherlock who also didnt get along anyone exept his brother had climbed on teachers desk and gave speak how there would be new war soon and upset everyone saying that everyone in their lives would die one day.They were kicked out when both of the brothers sneaked on the staff room and started a fire with piece of glass and sunflair.

 

Sherlock showed his boredom to Mycroft over dramatically rolling his eyes and letting out a moan.Mycroft lowered his hands from his chin and looked at Sherlock"Dont act stupid Sherlock.Sherlock rolled his eyes again and stood up."We should talk about what happened.Mycroft continued.He was referring what happened to Sherlocks first friend,Irene."Her death was not your fault.You need to stop acting like it was.Also i know you are not okey.You cant lie to me,Sherlock.Mycroft said,looking his brother to see how he reacted.Sherlocks eyes opened wider."NEVER!he yelled but lowered his voice to continue"Never mention that again.Never.Mycroft dropped the topic and asked Sherlock sit down.Sherlock did how he was told and they returned to the silent sitting.

 

 

\--

 

Sherlock was playing with the Jewely dangling from his neck.Thinking is hard.God how my body hurts.What did Mycroft once say to me?Never get involved with others,nothing good comes from it.Sherlock thought and let out frustrated sigh.Oh brother how right you were.You are always right,arent you?I wouldnt be here i didnt get involded with feelings.The pain and agony starting changing to anger.John Watson.What have you done to me.I was better alone with no one.Even the pain was still there Sherlock lifted himself up,sitting.He wanted to be angry for everyone,but he couldnt.Sherlock missed the time when he still had everything in his mind balanced.When he wasnt waisting his beautiful mind to care about others.He missed the time when he used his skills to help police to solve crimes that the local police had gave up with.People find him strange and called him freak because the way he worked.It never had bother him.Once when he was working on a case he met women,called Irene Adler.She was the first and only women on Sherlocks life.He never had any kind off love interest towards Irene,but she was everything to her.Irene died in middle of the case solving.Sherlock couldnt help her on time.Death of the women drove him on drug abuse and drug abuse had swallowed Sherlocks mind in depression.Mycroft tried to get Sherlock back in his track but one day he was visiting his younger brother had he found him laying on his own blood.Sherlock gave up from his career after that.It was all too much.Still in deep in his mind Sherlock was attracted to solving crimes.Maybe when his mind was balanced again he could start working again.He missed being the worlds first and only consultive detective.

When Sherlock arrived the hospital he had lie to John about why did he want to die.It was all lie,in fact the reason why he did it was,because he didnt like how his mind had changed.He didnt like what he had became.A person who cared about someone,who poisoned his beautiful mind with drugs.His cheerful yet slightly self loathing arrogant personality of his own turning into sad,pitying grabage.It wasnt that he didnt enjoy living,he wanted just free the person who he use to be from the new person he had became.

 

 

\--

 

Arriving in to the hospital John saw Mycroft yelling at the lady on the information desk.Turning to John he mouthed "Thank god.and without no more words they rushed to the elevator finding their way to fourth floor.With bit more yelling the man on guard finally showed were Sherlock was and opened the door for them."Oh my god"was the only thing John could say when he saw bruised Sherlcok suffering in his cell.Mycroft pushed John from his way still remanding silent he lifted his younger brother from the ground.Now caring him away John in behind to ready open the door they stepped on the elevator.

 

 

Sherlock opened his eyes to realize his head was laying in someones lap.He looked up to see John who looked relieved to see his friend a wake.Sherlock felt dizzy and unaible to talk he was muffling something to John."I gave you morphine.said John shortly.Realizing the pain was gone Sherlock mumbled thank you to John.For a second he could swear that Mycroft was arguing in the distance Sherlock pulled him up.They were at the living room but it was empty from others.John laughed little when Sherlock tried to ask about his brother,but under the influence of morphine his sentences were blurry mumbling.It made him relaxed and again trying to talk he manage to get the word "cigarettes" out his mouth.John reached his pocket and placed one in his mouth litting it up and saying something that made no sense for Sherlock.With lazy moves hi focused his moves to the cigarette and saw John walking away."Jhnn"he gasped trying to call him back.Finishing the cigarette he laid his head on the couch what was still after John and let himself sleep.Last thing he noticed was someone laying himself on the bed and whispering"Good night mr.Holmes"


	7. I could write a book

"Happy new year.Said John,legs crossed over his bed,fave buried on his morning paper.Sherlock blinked his eyes fastly and groaned on his way to sit.

"New year?He asked with a sleepy voice.He felt rather confused and his head felt dizzy."Yeah,remember on christmas day when you were on the sofa?Well you blacked out and there was no reason to force you awake.Anyways you were on really bad shape so we pumped medicine to you kill the pain.John said,face deep on the paper.Sherlock stretched his tense limps and yawned;"I thought my brother would transform me to somewhere else.

With a smile John lowered his paper to look Sherlock in his eyes."We did discuss about that thought but i over talked your brother to let you stay in here.But you should have seen everyones face yesterday when the police invaded up stairs!John cried of his laughter to his friend.

Sherlocks lip rise to a smile.Oh how he had missed John.Automatically without realizing he had placed his hand on the jewely."You like that then?John asked,pointing at the medallion.With a silent,low voice Sherlock answered"Yes.I do,indeed.

John recalled what had happened on the days to Sherlock when he was out. After finishing John sighed loudly as he stood up "I probably need to inform your brother that you are up and alive"

Sherlocks eyes followed John as he walked out of the room.Slowly closing his eyes he placed his hand on his forehead."God i love everything about you,the way you talk,the way you walk,just everything"He thought and started silently singing a song he had heard in the 40's;

 

 

_"If they asked me I could write a book_

_About the way you walk and whisper and look_

_I could write the preface on how we met_

_So the world would never forget_

 

_And the simple secret of the plot_

_Is just to tell them that I love you a lot_

_Then the world discovers as my book ends... "_

 

Sherlock paused as he took deep breath before finishing;

 

_"How to make two lovers of friends"_

 

He repeated with a louder voice;

 

_"And the simple secret of the plot_

_Is just to tell them that I love you a lot "_

 

"i love you too"Sherlock heard Johns voice say "i love you too"


	8. Its not the end

"YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME "Sherlock shouted as he slammed his both hands on table. "TELL ME THAT YOU ARE KIDDING" John shook his head with silence and Mycroft gave worrying look for his younger brother. "I tried to get you out of this but theres nothing i can do about it.You are getting papers about your recovery next week and theres no valid reasons we can use to stop this happening Sherlock."Mycroft said silently Sherlock sat down and buried his face to his hands.  
"Brother could you leave me and Dr.Watson alone for a moment" Simply just nodding Mycroft left the room.  
Awkward silence between both Sherlock and John,Sherlock took a moment untill he said to John; "So you just tell me that you love just before you tell me that im send to Kenya for the "war"?You cant just do that" 

John opened his mouth to say something but he couldnt get a word out.He wanted to say that he was sorry.He wanted to say that it was Sherlocks responsibility to serve the British navy since he had accomplished the army.  
He wanted to tell Sherlock that he still loved him and he didnt say it just because he felt sorry for him. "YOU CANT DO THAT"Sherlock shouted to John "ITS NOT FARE" 

"Im sorry"John said to Sherlock and took his hand.Sherlock who was standing front of John suddenly fell on his knees,burying his head on Johns lap.John placed his free hand on Sherlocks curls. Sherlocks voice cracked as he said to John; "How can everything come to a end when nothing has yet started?Its not fare,it cant happen,i cant-you cant.." "Its not the end Sherlock,"John was crying to his friend who was crying on his lap"We are not saying farewell" Sherlock lifted his head and looked John in his eyes"What it is then?"he asked with a small voice."What can you say if not goodbye?" John placed his hand on Sherlocks cheek and smiled as he said "We say i love you" "So you love me?"Sherlock said his eyes locked on John's

"Yes,but its gonna stay just between us.You love me?" "Yeah i do.Just between us"Sherlock replied with a small smile They staid in silence fo a moment until John broke it by laughing happily; "Should i kiss you now?" Sherlocks jaw dropped down and even he tried not to he felt tears rolling down of corners of his eyes.He shook his head and said "i love you"with a serious voice.John leaned down and kissed his forehead.He placed his own head against Sherlocks head and said "we should go back to your brother and discuss all the details" They ended up sitting on the living room with Mycroft and they come up that after Sherlock was good to leave the hospital he would stay 2 months at John's before leaving. "Just by interest,why can i stay at your place?"Sherlock asked from his brother. 

Mycroft took small breath and quickly answered: "I need to visit China.You are not the only one who needs to take part of these war business." John lifted his eyebrows out of interest.Sherlock looked his brother approvely.It didnt surprise him,in the end Mycroft was big part of the government. Changing few words Mycroft stood up and thanked John,telling that he was off to china at this evening.Sherlock escorted his brother to the front door leaving John on the sofa.At the door Mycroft suddenly cathed Sherlock into a hug. "Be safe,brother mine"Sherlock said with a small amount of sarcasm. "You too brother mine"Mycroft answeres also with a sarcastic tone.Just as he was leaving Mycroft turned back to his little brother,leaned down to whisper him; "i know you are gay" While Sherlock ws fastly blinking and trying to recover Mycroft left the building.

Later at the evening John and Sherlock were at Johns office,sitting on their chairs.John was writing Sherlocks release papers and Sherlock followed Johns every move with a smile on his lips. Sherlock playfully kicked Johns crossed legs.John didnt leave his eyes from the papers but he figured out that Sherlock was looking at hi so he gave warm smile to him. Sherlock leaned into his pale hands and he couldnt fell anything but exited about living with John and getting out of the hospital.Only reason he bared the place so long was John.He was in good mood and didnt let the fact, that he was going take part on the revolution war at Kenya, spoil it. He left out deep sigh trying to catch Johns attention.John,still eyes on the paper laughed from amusement silently. Sherlock straightened up and crossed his long fingers.He moved his legs impatiently.

Finally getting enough frustrated he yelled at John "Give attention you fool,im in love with you" John lovered his paper work and looked his eagerness companion and giggled saying with a daring voice "Oh well prove it then will you" Sherlock snorted "What are you ten?" "Okey,dont prove it"He said with a witty voice as he lowered slowly his eyes back to the papers. Sherlocks eyes opened wider and he jumped on Johns chair.The chair made whining noises from both of their weight.His long legs going both sides of Johns he moved his hands back to Johns head and looked John into his eyes with enthusiasm.

John looked surprisingly calm and Sherlock was breathing heavily as he hesitated but finally moved his lips against John lips. John moved his hands on Sherlocks back and pulled him closer. Sherlocks heart was running like a crazy and his hands shaking,lips dancing against Johns.His tongue find Johns and getting deeper on the kiss Sherlock moved his upper body on the movement.John chained Sherlocks curls into his palms pulling him even closer and making Sherlock gasp from excitement.Sherlock pushed his groin against Johns stomach.The position was bit uncomfortable,his back straighten up against John,his neck on curl so he could kiss him,the chair too small for both of them but he didnt care.Johns other hand went lower on his back,grabbing it tight and making Sherlock moan deep but silently.

Sherlocks body danced against John and John made small moans here and there which made Sherlock crazy.That point Sherlock felt like they were one and hi pushed his body again tight on John and let it move the same rhythm as his lips did. Too soon John pushed Sherlock away so he could look him into his eyes. Sherlock made disappointed sound and looked hurt.John stroked his dark hair and laughed at Sherlocks expression."Dont get this wrong but you look like a kid who just dropped his ice cream on the ground"Sherlock snorted again and lowered his face down to kiss John again.With a sorryful look he rejected him and explained"i love to continue that but i need to get the paper work done.Sherlock sighed sadly and shyly laid his head on Johns shoulder.John tried to catch his breath and he smiled over Sherlocks shoulder as he was still slowly stroking his head. "God i love you Sherlock Holmes"He thought.Both of them would love to stay there but it was after all very uncomfortable for both of them since the chair was too small.Sherlock stretching his body as he moved back to his own chair and John focused again on his papers.Sherlock felt unreal from what had happened.Throwing his legs over the left side of the chair he closed his eyes and purred under his still heavy breathing; 

" _And the simple secret of the plot Is  
just to tell them that I love you a lot "_


	9. We need more time

John unlocked the front door and escorted Sherlock to the inside of the hall.Sherlocks eyes traveled around the roomy hall.The walls were old and worn.Carpet on the floor was diry.Small mailboxes screwed against the wall.There was twelve of them,first one from the left said "Dr.Watson"It made Sherlock smile.

"Up stair"John said awkwardly as he started climbing the worn stares which made unhappy noises.Sherlock followed him behind.It took time to get the top floor with all of Sherlocks luggage.Finally arriving to old styled brown door Sherlock dropped his backs on the floor.John was now in plating the key to the lock on the knob and Sherlock trapped his arms around Johns waist and pressed his lips against Johns neck.John squirm from Sherlock breath what tickled his neck.He left out warm chuckle.Sherlock rocked himself happily and John manage to open the door.Unhappily he separated Sherlocks arms around him.Other hand in Sherlocks he grabbed the other back with the free hand.Sherlock did the same and John on the lead they found their way on inside.Sherlock kicked the door close.  
Sherlock dropped once again the bag on the floor and trapped John between his arms.He placed his head on Johns shoulder.John let the bag on his hand drop too and hugged Sherlock back.They stayed at the position with a silence until John broke it by saying:  
"I love you so so much,i wish it could be like this everywhere"  
Without a word Sherlocks arms tighten around him.His head felt heavy on Johns shoulder.John petted his head and asked;  
"Sherlock are you okey?Are you crying?"John sounded worried.Sherlock shook his head without a word.  
"Sherlock you are scaring me,what is it?why are you sad?"He demanded the answer  
Sherlock lifted his head and his eye lashes looked darker from the tears"Im just..so happy"Sherlock said with a small voice and his voice cracked on the word happy.  
John took sherlock face between his hand and looked him into his eyes and mouthed "i love you"  
Sherlocks eyes filled with tears and he said under his small sobs"i love you too"  
John pressed lips against Sherlocks,giving him a long and comforting kiss.After while John pulled back leaving Sherlock un amused.  
"Hate when you do that"He said with a annoyed voice and John laughed for answer.Sherlock took the chance to look around.The first room had view to the small kitchen on the left,a door to the bedroom opposite of the exit of the flat.A window with a view to the street on the right side.Two sized sofa between the bedroom and window,bookself,radio and record player.Couple paintings on the walls.  
"You dont own a television?"Sherlock asked from surprise.  
"No,i dont.They are like thousand pounds of each."he answered.  
"Um just one question,where do i sleep"Sherlock asked and plaied with his fingers.John looked at him and said "On my bedroom with me,where else?"Sherlocks jaw dropped open and his cheeks flushed bright red making John laugh.  
"Thats cute but i wasnt kidding"He said now with more serious tone.

John grabbed Sherlocks wrist pulling him closer  
"If you are fine with it"He continued  
Sherlock stared at John and swallowed nervously.He fastly blinked his eyes and replied to John;  
"Yes im fine with it"  
John smiled and moved his free hand to Sherlocks cheek and guided his face on his height.John placed his lips in front of Sherlocks and moaned to him:  
"Well maybe i should give you tour there"  
Sherlock looked down to John.Their lips nearly touched as he spoke;"Maybe"  
John leaned closer and united their lips,still without moving his .Sherlock felt his heart beat faster and his breathing was heavier.Finally John Started slowly moving his lips.Sherlock answered the kiss joining the slow rythm.Sherlock moved his hand automatically on back of Johns head but this time John didnt let him fasten their kissing.It was like a start of a slow dance and Johns lips softly making the move was driving Sherlock crazy.Sherlock moaned to show John to kiss him harder.  
John backed his head little so he could say;  
"im on the lead this time"Sherlocks eyes were closed but he felt Johns smile against his lips.John pulled Sherlock back to the kiss,this time little bit harder to make Sherlock gasp.  
John moved his hand down to Sherlock back and with a strong grab he pulled thei bodies against each other.  
Sherlock was shaking from excitement and he moaned again.Johns breathing was heavy and he moaned back to Sherlock and kissed him harder and faster.Their lips moved rabidly and John moved his tongue to touch Sherlocks lips.This time Sherlock pulled away from John,just as he could catch a breath.He leaned his forehead against John and his breathing was heavy and fast and he felt surreal.John laughed softly and pulled him back again.This time he didnt start slow,their lips were pressing harshly against each other and Johns tongue was back in entry of Sherlocks mouth.Sherlock moaned loudly making John pull him closer.Johns both hand were locked on Sherlocks hips and he slowly moved his hips against Sherlock.Sherlock moaned and his body moved on the se rythm as their kiss.Sherlock pressed his tongue against Johns and both of his hand back in his head.Sherlock rocked his hips slowly against John.Johns hand were traveling every where in Sherlocks back and when his hands grabbed his bottom it made Sherlock head fell back and he moaned out loud"Oh gods shake i want you"John laughed for his reaction hands still tightly on Sherlock bottom.Sherlock rocked his hips faster on John and he felt his bulge grown harder.Sherlock whined.With a calm voice John asked:  
"Wanna see the bedroom now?" which Sherlock gasped for answer;  
"Yes but im scared"John locked sherlock face between his hand and looked him with a loving expression.  
"Dont worry we go slow,its gonna be fine,we are not talking actual actual sex here.Not now,not today"  
Sherlock looked John,nodded for yes and re-united their lips.

John on the lead they entered the bedroom.Sherlock sat on the edge of the bed and John walked in front of him.John sat on Sherlocks lap,eyes strongly locked on his.Sherlock groin was grown harder and Johns weight on it was driving him crazy.Without removing their stare John moved his hands back on his head and sherlock moved his hand on Johns back.Sherlock felt Johns bulge against his stomach.Johns lips found their way on Sherlock neck and as he passionately started kissing he moved his groin against Sherlock on the movement .Sherlocks hips humped against Johns bottom and his fingers were burried in Johns back.Johns hips moved gently and his bottom was massaging Sherlocks cock tenderly.Sherlock gasped for air and cried his moans out loud making John moan as well.John moved his lips against sherlock lips and softly bit his bottom lip making Sherlock whine from pleasure.His strong arms pushed Sherlock on his back.  
John locked both of Sherlocks hands behind his head and fastly kissed him.Now on top John could move his full grown erection against Sherlock.His back curling back and front and his groin pressing harder and harder Sherlocks.Sherlocks breath was tacky and his body twiched from the pleasure.John was dry fucking him slowly and Sherlock yelled "Harder please.Harder"  
John moaned deeply and he freed Sherlocks hands.  
John laid down beside Sherlock and moved his hips against his leg.John stroke Sherlocks curls and his free hand hi placed on Sherlock groin.Again John started rubbing his hips,making his cock move against sherlocks legs.He rubbed his hand up and down on Sherlock bulge and every time he got up he stroked him gently.  
After while John stopped and opened Sherlocks pants.Sherlocks eyes were closed and he was out of breath.Sherlock yelled and moaned loudly when John hands found their way inside of his pants.Johhs hand freed his cock and eyes closed Sherlock heard John do the same at himself.Johns both hands were working on them at the same time and he was loudly moaning.  
Sherlocks body was glitching and he fucked Johns hand hard and fastly.Both of their moans filled the room.  
Sherlock heard John coming before him.Without finishing Sherlock by his hand John climbed tiredly on top of Sherlock legs and leaned down on him.Johns hands were stroking and moving firmly on Sherlocks dick and when John placed his lips on tip of his penis Sherlock yelled   
"Oh god please oh god"He rocked aganst Johns mouth and small sobs came out of his mouth.He rabidly moaned and cried for the pleasure.Johns lips tighten and Sherlock felt Johns hand under him pressing him closer Sherlock felt his orgasm grow and his body twiched and stretched out in every direction and with out warning with Sherlocks crying moans he came against Johns chest.

\-----

 

Sherlock was sitting in Johns living room while John was taking a shower.His legs were crossed over the coffee table and the radio was playing softly on the background.  
Sherlock felt anxious by the fact that he was not able to stay with John that long.He wanted to be with John,not in war.  
Sherlock sighed and rubbed his face with his fingers.In a hort time John had become his everything.He never taught that a simple human being could make his life so much lighter.Sherlock laid down on the sofa and placed his hands on his face.At the same time he heard the door of the shower open."Oh his ready already"Sherlock thought and he jumped up of the sofa and find his face on the bedroom.Sherlock sat down on the bed and waited the bathroom door to open.  
John stepped away from the door and smiled at Sherlock.  
"Hello"Sherlock said  
"Hello,why you look so down?"John asked  
Sherlock sighed and dramatically curled into fetal position and made suffering noises as he said"i dont wanna go,i wanna stay with you John"  
John sat down next to Sherlock and petted his back.  
"I know.I know"He replied.AS John was adding something they heard the phone ring in the kitchen so John quickly stood up and went to answer it.Sherlock still in the bed rolled on his back and tried to hear what the phone call was about.Maybe they wanted John back to work already.Sherlock had totally forgot that even he had left the hospital John was still working on there.This made Sherlock even more annoyed than he was before so he grabbed a pillow and angrily burryed his face on it.Sherlock wanted John all for himself."My John,only mine"He muffled under the pillow.  
"Sherlock"Johns voice was serious.Sherlock lowered the pillow so he could see John."What"Sherlock replied sharply.  
John glanced the floor and shook his head.  
"London is flooding.Almost every part of it.And its not just that"John paused as he was going to tell bad news.Sherlock tilted his head and focused his look on Joh."What"Sherlock said with a low voice.  
John took breath before he continued"Hundreds of people have died.Sherlock.Your brother"Johns voice cracked a little.Sherlock tilted his head more.He didnt get where John was going.The part of London they were was fined And Mycroft had left the country.  
John continued again"Your brother is one of them.His dead Sherlock.He died about 4hours ago"  
Sherlocks jaw dropped open."What"This time he shouted it.  
John sat next to Sherlock and wrapped his hands over him."What"Sherlock asked again."4hours ago.That was when we..oh no,oh my god"Sherlock said as he burryed his face on Johns shoulder.  
"Im so sorry"John said and he stroked Sherlocks hair.  
"It was military who called.They wanted to let you know that your serving time will be moved with 6months so you can have time to grieve in peace"John added  
Sherlock felt devastated.Even if he didnt get a long with his brother he never wanted this to happen.  
"You are gonna be fine"John said to his odly calm companion.  
"I know"Sherlock answered shortly and tightened his grib on John.  
"The funeral is on this weekend."John said quietly.  
Sherlock closed his eyes.He was revealed that he got more time with John but the cause of his gain was terrible.Sherlock breath Johns scent in while John continued stroking his head.Sherlock suddenly felt tired and as he started to fall in sleep he said to John"I still love you"  
John softly laughed and answered"I love you too Sherlock"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so sorry


End file.
